complete and utter randomnity.

because i have rendered myself completely incapable of typing in paragraphs, i will just do this Twitter style.

- it’s true. not a single day goes by that i don’t feel like killing my brother/boss/slave-driver. somehow there is always just something to fight about. it gets really draining sometimes.

- dear Edison and Charade,

time flew so fast that it has actually been a year since your passing. sometimes i still feel like you’re just somewhere here. i still haven’t erased your name on my phonebook because it doesn’t seem right. we miss you more than you’ll ever know. rest in peace my friends.

- the BBooth made it’s big public debut at Ayala’s bridal fair yesterday and so far we’ve been doing great. anybody who lined up and registered their contact details were given 1 free trial at the BBooth and so far we’ve been getting great reviews. my favorite feedback for today came from a girl in her teens. she said:

“akong ingnon akong papa inig debut nako bahala na ug pungko2x ra ang ipa kaon sa bisita basta naa lang gyud ning Bbooth. “

wahahahah! perfect! that made my day! promise to post pictures of the BBooth very soon.

- today ended with a heated argument (again) with my brother. i came home angry and mad at the world but when baby Butter cuddled with me and slobbered her sticky tongue all over my face, i instantly felt cheered up. *sigh* what ever will i do without my precious babies?

- you know how i always tell myself i’d be ok growing old alone and without kids of my own as long as i am surrounded by lots of baby doggies to love? well, today this uber cute little boy came up to me and gave me the sweetest kiss on the cheek. and for a split nanosecond there, i thought, darn, maybe having one of these little humans of my own in the near future wouldn’t be so freaky after all.

- i met an old blog friend who i never met in person yesterday. at that time we became blog friends she was very much into photography and i’ve always loved looking at her works and loved reading her entries. i really did admire her from a distance. so it felt nice for her to come up to me at the BBooth in Ayala yesterday saying that she’s seen my work and she likes ‘em too. so, yay! nice to finally meet you Tiffany! (Kar, if you’re reading this, she says Hi to you too! and she didn’t know you got married na d.i! haha!) funny thing is Tiffany added me on FB that same morning i met her. i was supposed to just ignore her friend request cuz i totally forgot who she was. but amazingly, a few hours after i opened my FB, i met her in person. pure coincidence or what? so Tiff, incase you reach this blog, big Hello to you!

- i am a very happy Fit Flopper. finally got my own pair on sale yesterday courtesy of my brother (which makes it very hard for me to hate him. ugh.). i daresay my feet have found heaven in it’s super comfy rubber soles. plus they say it has some health benefits. like you’re actually exercising while walking on it. that’s why it’s called the shoes with a built in gym. i don’t know how true that is. all i know is that it’s comfy and chic at the same time. and the fact that it’s endorsed by Oprah makes me want it all the more!

i am already lusting on another pair might get this for myself this Christmas:

- Nine = the number of times i watched Michael Jackson’s This Is It at the theater. i know, i am obsessed. but what can i do? i am crazy in love Michael and for some reason i really feel like he loves me back. i don’t mind sharing Michael with a shmazillion other fans. all i know is that i love him, he makes me happy, and i can’t wait ’till the day i get to marry him in heaven.

me and Anya after watching This Is It in Ayala

these are all my Michael Jackson stuff. they’re not a lot yet but i’m working on expanding my collection. many of these stuff came from the generous hearts of my lovely friends who support my addiction. thank you kaayo ninyo!

my Michael Jackson collection

i found my favorite Michael Jackson pic of all time on the Michael Joseph Jackson Board and i’m currently using it as my phone’s wallpaper. can i just say that i am totally addicted to this fan message board too? being connected with fellow MJ lovers all over the world makes me realize that i am not alone in my love and devotion to the King of Pop.

how frickin' gorgeous is Michael in this pic?

tomorrow’s the last day of the Ayala bridal fair. when we’re done packing up i am so going straight to my favorite massage place and get myself a soothing foot massage. lord knows i am in desperate need of one. yopakerz kaayo grabeh! hoping for more BBooth bookings tomorrow!

it’s tough being me.

just a few days ago, a friend from the camera club casually told me over dinner that the reason why i still do not have a boyfriend is because i’m so suplada daw. i naturally tried to defend myself and told him well, you know, there was a time when i was not like this.

i could clearly remember back in the elementary and high school days i was one of those jolly kids. i had a laughter that made my teachers angry cuz i was loud and boisterous. up to this day if you ask my old friends to describe me they’d say i’m a cheerful, happy go lucky gal. too bad that started to change as i grew older. i can’t really pinpoint the exact year when the turn about started. my college classmates still referred to me as the girl who smiled a lot. maybe it was after graduation?

honestly, if somebody asked me today if i like the person that i’ve become, i would say NO in a heart beat. i have become so suplada, so negative, so frustrated about life most of the time that no one would consider me approachable. i’ve grown to be so different from the person i was 5 to ten years ago. nobody ever said growing up was easy. seeing the real world and knowing just how difficult it is to survive and stay afloat is enough to turn a previously jolly person into a witch. yes, witch, that’s me. i’m sure there are some people out there who’d call me that. it’s tough being me. on a daily basis, i am put in a position wherein i have to deliver bad news and i have to scream and get mad at people just to get things done.

sometimes i tell myself it’s all about perspective. maybe if i see the brighter side of things i’d look less suplada. maybe if i just change my attitude about certain issues then life wouldn’t be too difficult. i guess i need to try harder to be more mature about things, to not let one issue ruin my entire day and to not let one incident dictate how i should relate to other people. it’s not going to be an easy feat but i will have to try harder.

one thing i need to constantly remind myself is this: what won’t kill you will only make you stronger.

on a happier note, just a few thingies that put a smile to my face despite the everyday stressors that i have to deal with:

1.) Michael Jackson – yes, i am still in love with him and i still listen to his songs day in and day out. just one look at his bright beautiful smile is almost enough to melt all my troubles away. i’ve spent a small fortune already buying all his CDs and books yet still i’m hungry for anything MJ. just 6 days ’till the showing of his documentary movie This Is It. i really think i might bawl my eyes out in the movie house. haha i love you MJ!

my precious love

2.) Glee –  i am officially addicted to this new TV show! Dich and i have gone Glee-crazy downloading every new episode that’s made available on torrents. haha! i love how the characters just suddenly burst into song, i love the arrangements and the vocals, the choreography, everything! this show rocks and i hope they stay on air for a long long time. oh, it doesn’t hurt that the main guy character is uber cute too!

Finn is the man!

3.) new puppies – our baby girl Kimi gave birth to her second litter 2 days ago and we welcomed three precious little puppies into the world. say hello to Russel, Ellie & Kevin! their names are inspired by the movie Up. hehe. i know the picture sucks but i haven’t had time to take pictures of them yet. Kimi is doing such a good job taking care of her babies. surely we’re not keeping any of the pups so we only have about 2 months to bond with them before they go to their new owners.

4.) photo shoots – i’d say i have a love-hate relationship with this. there was a time i got so burned out by successive days of just taking pictures both on location and at the studio. i felt like all i ever did was shoot and edit shoot and edit shoot and edit. but when i come up with images like these i am reminded of the reason why i fell in love with photography in the first place. 2 of my favorite shots from Steve & Sherlin’s maternity portrait session.

excited parents to be

gorgeous at 8 months

i guess that’s about it for now. i will not talk about work or anything BB-related on this post.

i’ve been down in the dumps lately but i know i’ll manage. i mean, i have to because i have no other choice. life is a constant battle sometimes you lose and sometimes you win. that’s just the way it is.

p.s speaking about growing up, here’s one sure sign of age taking it’s toll on me. eyeglasses! haha! i only use them when i’m reading or when i’m on the computer. how do i look bespectacled?

me and my eyeglasses

dear wordpress,

i am sorry for being such a lazy blogger. it seems that i have lost the ability to form actual paragraphs since i started living in the Twitter world. i can only type up to 140 characters at a time now.

i hope to get into my blogging groove again soon.

much love,
Mickie, the Twitter convert and Michael Jackson’s lady

finally an update.

i can’t believe it’s been more than a month since my last entry. god where do i even start? haha! so many things have happened in the past 4 weeks but one thing remained constant – my Michael Jackson obsession. i swear it’s becoming so bad i’ve started to feel like we have an actual relationship. it sounds crazy but every night when i get home and before i go to bed, i make sure i spend time watching MJ videos on You Tube just so that i could see his face and hear his voice at the same time. his smile just totally melts my heart and makes me giddy with kilig all over. *sigh* during the day while i’m at the office his songs are on repeat mode on my i-tunes. while i’m in the shower, or while i’m eating, or while i’m driving, MJ’s songs are playing on my shuffle which is connected to a speaker. when i’m so sapot all i do is listen to his wonderfully soothing voice and i immediately feel comforted. yes. i am so addicted to MJ and i don’t even know how and when it’s going to stop.

this is me with an MJ collector's item.

of course i’ve also been living a life outside of all this MJ madness. there’s BB work, there are the photo shoots, and all the while i’ve managed to have a social life too. just a few pictures from this month’s highlights (in random order):

tonka, mi, ilene & loki

last august 5 to 9, ilene, anya and i went to Manila together for some R&R. it was during this time that Ilene and I finally made one of our dreams come true. and that was to swim with dolphins. this photo was taken at Ocean Adventure in Subic during our 30-minute swim interaction with Loki the dolphin and Tonka the false killer whale. there are just no words to describe our experience. riding on their fins, dancing, and playing with them, feeding them, kissing them, petting their rubbery skin, and just feeling the love. aaaaaaaah… moment na moment ito!!! after Subic, we went to Tagaytay this time together with Anya. all we literally did there was eat and chill out and oh, talk about life issues most especially about relationships. i guess that’s what you get if you put three frustrated single ladies together in a place as romantic as Tagaytay. haha! Thank you Ilene and Anya for being great travel buddies. i suuuuuuuper had fun during on our short but sweet trip. ’till next time!

at Sonya's Garden, Tagaytay

lately i’ve been doing some photo shoots here and there. these are just a few of my favorites:

Baby Zaira

i took this photo of Baby Zaira with her proud parents when they visited the studio several weeks ago. if you look at my earlier posts, i had an entry on Mommy Zarah and Daddy Alvin’s maternity portrait session. i always get goosebumps when i meet the precious baby face to face. life really is a miracle. and if this is what i’ll have to do for a living, capturing these fleeting moments and freezing them in time forever, then i’ll be one happy girl. More photos from baby Zaira’s shoot here.

Baby Tristan

This shot i took of Baby Tristan over a month ago is truly one of those photos i am most proud of. Daddy Chris’s big strong arms lovingly holding up his baby’s tiny body and Tristan, peaceful and calm, just relying on his daddy for dear life. *sigh* i get emotional just looking at this picture. Tristan got baptized today and i was so honored to get invited by Daddy Chris and Mommy Arjay. Welcome to the world little Tristan! More pictures from Baby Tristan’s shoot here.

doggie lovin'

i took Meling’s doggies out to to the Ayala grounds about a month ago to practice on my pet photography. Duchess, Sazkhi and Frankie were quite a handful but were sooooo much fun to shoot. i want to someday be able to take photos like this girl. i love that she is able to capture the dog-human relationship in all her photos. More pictures from the shoot here.

Justyne of AD Models

Jacqueline and Tancheli

Every now and then i go back to the reason why i fell in love with studio photography in the first place. looks like these created by the fantabulous Wenwen Zaspa were what inspired me to take up workshops in Manila just so i could learn lighting techniques. i may  shoot babies, dogs, and whatnot, but i will always always love taking beauty shots like these.

At the invitation of Mdm Pantallano, one of my most favorite teachers in high school, I went back to my dear alma mater after so many years to give a talk on photography. yup, that’s right. i know i am not photography teacher material but i did my best to inspire the staff members of SHARE magazine, our school’s official publication which i was a part of for about 6 years of my stay in SHS-G. My co-resource speaker was Cybill who covered the writing part of the workshop. I spent a good 2 days working on my lecture presentation and my portfolio presentation and i’d say it was all worth it. the students were very participative and i felt soooo good afterwards. walking along the same old hallways and seeing familiar faces felt weird and good at the same time. the teachers were all asking Cybill and me if we were already married. wahahahaha! we were like, huh? kami? nooooo way! we’re too young! and they went,” ha? ka tiguwang na ninyo!!” oh nooooooooo!!!!!!! hahaha! we caught the students practicing their cheering stunts since intrams was fast approaching and guess what?! they danced to MJ songs! i heard Thriller and Rock with You among others. :p Thank you Mdm Pantallano for inviting me and Cybill to be your resource speakers!

last night was one of those super fun nights spent in the company of good old friends who never fail to make me laugh. the first doctor of our batch, doctora Lynette, treated us to delisyoso food at La Tegola then we proceeded to K1 for some serious singing. Mimi Yap we missed you again! :p Congrats Lynette! i’m sooo proud of you! guys and gals, i can’t wait for our next singing spree! hahahah!

I guess this is it for now. i really hope i’ll soon have the patience and the time to update this blog more often. hehe. the weekend is here so i’m just chillaxing with dich and the doggies ’till tomorrow. speaking of doggies, i want to greet my beloved Peanut and Butter a very very happy 3rd birthday! time sure does fly. it’s been 3 years since these 2 precious angels came into this world and since then they’ve brought so much joy and happiness into my life. i love you so much Peanieweenie and Butterbeaniemoomoo!!!!!!! mwah mwah mwah!

Happy Birthday Peanut & Butter!

oh MJ :(

thank you for the music, MJ

call me crazy but i am seriously getting obsessed with Michael Jackson. yes, weeks after his untimely death, it is only now that i have started listening to his songs, reading about him on the internet, and watching video clips of him over You Tube. suffice to say, i am posthumously becoming a Michael Jackson fan.

maybe it was that Memorial at the Staples Center in L.A last week that made me realize what a huge impact MJ has had not just in the music industry but to the world as well. the past two weeks i’ve been going MJ-crazy trying to get to know this elusive person and all the time saying at the back of my head what a stupid waste it is to only come to appreciate him now that he’s gone.

i am just awed and inspired by everything that MJ has done. as many have said, he was an angel with an understanding of this world that was way too deep than any of us humans ever had. when he was alive, i only ever knew him as this popular singer who can do all these outrageous dance moves, who has given so much to charities all over the world but at the same time was also a strange, eccentric recluse who’ve been accused of molesting children. perhaps i was too young when he was at the height of his career. it was the year that i was born, 1984, when MJ hit it big with Thriller. in the late 1990’s, when i became interested in music, in MTV, and in foreign celebrities, MJ’s reputation had become so tainted i didn’t even bother to listen to his music at all.

but lately i’ve been going over every interview ever done of him, watching all the documentaries and videos available on You Tube, listening to his songs over and over again. and god, did i fall hard and fast in love with MJ. He is probably the greatest entertainer this world has ever known. I’ve seen his live performances and i’ve seen the concert venues filled up by hundreds of thousands of fans wherever he went. From Los Angeles to Romania to Tokyo and even to Manila he had that magical impact on the crowd. Those fans looked like they were in a trance looking at MJ on stage at the same time dancing and singing to his songs. Every time MJ released a single or an entire album, they were guaranteed to hit it big in the charts. To date he has sold over 750 million records all over the world a feat which no other entertainer has ever achieved nor will probably ever achieve. He hasn’t gone on a tour that wasn’t sold out within hours of the start of ticket sales. For about a whole decade from the 80’s to the early 90’s it seemed like MJ couldn’t do any wrong.

Having lived almost all of his life in the limelight, MJ also had to pay the price of fame. He was only 11 years old when he started performing with the famed Jackson 5 in the 70’s. The regular things we took for granted while growing up were the things MJ was never able to experience. It broke my heart to hear MJ in one of his interviews saying that there was a time when he just wanted to play ball with the kids in the park but he couldn’t because he had to go to the studio for recordings and for rehearsals. To say that MJ missed out a lot on his childhood would have to be an understatement. In another one of his interviews, MJ even said that his dream would be to be able to go to a supermarket, push a cart, throw things into them, and line up in the cash register. Poor MJ got hounded by the media virtually everywhere that he went.

Despite having grown up with millions of people’s eyes on him, i think i could really say that MJ never really let all that fame go up to his head. he was purely a musician at heart and did what he did for the sole reason that he loved playing music and he loved the fact that he got to touch millions of people’s lives through it. and the moment that he knew that he had this impact on people, he didn’t just soak in all the attention and fame, instead, he gave it all back to them. MJ used his music to reach out to the world’s underprivileged, especially the children.

Having given up his childhood in exchange for fame and fortune, it is no wonder that MJ really had a special place in his heart for children. I think he was able to live vicariously through them and because he just had so so much to give, MJ made it his mission to help the children all over the world from the inner city kids of most US cities, to the starved children in Africa, and to the sick and dying. MJ opened Neverland Ranch, a place which for him was like a realization of all his dreams. Kids from everywhere got invited to play, eat, and have fun courtesy of MJ and he was happiest doing just that.

My heart went out to MJ when i saw videos of him being taken to court, when i heard of the police brutality he had to undergo, when i heard of the pain and humiliation he went through during those years in ‘92 and ‘93. Sadly it was during the height of his career when jealous people started to bring him down by accusing him of molesting little boys in Neverland Ranch. Not having known anything else about him before, maybe i never really bothered to either believe or not believe them. But now that i think i know him more, i realized that MJ had nothing but pure, innocent love for children. I mean really, what is so wrong with sharing your bed with children? The way i see it, MJ saw these kids as charity cases (and i don’t mean to say that in a negative manner). It’s just like inviting poor kids into your house and letting those kids try what it feels like to have a big beautiful bed because they probably have not experienced such a luxury. Tell me just what is so wrong with that?! It is in fact a very selfless act of love and generosity. Too bad society had a different opinion about it. I think it’s just America’s sick values system that made people equate sharing one’s bed with actually having sex with him or her. It was greed and jealousy that brought MJ down during those years and unfortunately, he was never able to recover from that. His career went careening downhill and although he still remained popular in other countries, MJ lost the love and loyalty of his fans in his very own homeland. In one of the interviews he did admit that his latest album hit No. 1 everywhere except for the US. He said “I’m hurting… I’m really hurting.”

MJ’s life was filled with triumphs and despairs but through it all he carried on still believing that he could continue making music and changing the world for the better. He was set to go on a comeback tour in London just 2 weeks after his death. No doubt MJ was about to make the ultimate comeback no other singer has ever achieved. My heart aches for the loss of a true artist, the kind of artist who used his God-given talent to touch lives by giving to charity and sincerely showing his love to the less fortunate. MJ was an angel that was way too good for this world. Perhaps he really is in a better place now, a place where there are no more sufferings and no more evils.

I can’t imagine what MJ’s three children are going through right now. In many of the videos i’ve seen, MJ has mentioned one too many times just how much he loves and adores his kids. He wanted them to have everything that he never had when he was a kid. When MJ’s daughter spoke during his Memorial, i heard in those 20 seconds the most gut-wrenching, probably most painful speech from a little girl to her father. Ever since I was born, daddy has been the best daddy that i could imagine. And i just want you to know that i love him so much.

To MJ, i have nothing but regret and sorrow in my heart. It hurts me to know just how cruel the world has been to such a gentle and sweet soul. I feel sorry for myself for not having appreciated your music when you were still alive. But you will live on forever through your music and through the millions of people whose lives you have changed through your kind heart.

To the King of Pop, THANK YOU for the music. You will be missed. May you continue making beautiful music up there in heaven. Hope to see you in person when my time comes. Rest in peace, MJ.

getting there.

i spent an entire day working on the pages of my website and i’m quite happy with the result. hehe.. i think it looks clean and simple and i love the brown and pink color combination. it was just in the picking out of photos to go on the intro page that made this process tedious. i had to make sure the pictures i put here are the ones that truly speak of my brand of photography.

i originally wanted the webmaster to give me his ideas about the website since he’s supposed to know more than i do but in the end i just felt like i should put more of myself into it. now all i have to do is send to the webmaster the photoshop files so he can convert them into html for the website. weeeee! i’m so getting there! although i still have so much to work on, it’s just good to know that i’m making progress.

hold me.

i still can’t stop playing this Michael Jackson song until now. the lyrics and the melody are so haunting and they speak a lot about the stuff MJ was going through. Rest In Peace, MJ. it’s so so sad that i have only come to appreciate your songs now that you’re gone.

i first heard Will You Be There? after watching the movie Free Willy. this song brought tears to my eyes when it was played during the closing credits. MJ was then at the height of his musical career.

When Jennifer Hudson sang this during MJ’s Memorial at the Staples Center, i wanted to bawl my eyes out. She gave a damn good performance, a fitting tribute to the King of Pop. See the choreography of the back up singers? MJ always has this in all his concerts. Now i want to learn the actions. hehe.. can i say i’m super in love with this song?

MICHAEL JACKSON – WILL YOU BE THERE

“Hold Me
Like The River Jordan
And I Will Then Say To Thee
You Are My Friend

Carry Me
Like You Are My Brother
Love Me Like A Mother
Will You Be There?

Weary
Tell Me Will You Hold Me
When Wrong, Will You Scold Me
When Lost Will You Find Me?

But They Told Me
A Man Should Be Faithful
And Walk When Not Able
And Fight Till The End
But I’m Only Human

Everyone’s Taking Control Of Me
Seems That The World’s
Got A Role For Me
I’m So Confused
Will You Show To Me
You’ll Be There For Me
And Care Enough To Bear Me

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

(Lead Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

(Carry)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me There)

(Save Me)
(Heal Me And Bathe Me)
(Softly You Say To Me)
(I Will Be There)

(Lift Me)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Show Me You Care)

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

(Need Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

[Spoken]
In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Throughout Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I’ll Never Let You Part
For You’re Always In My Heart.”

When my time comes I’d want this song to be played in my wake. hehe.. seriously

God bless you, MJ. You will always be remembered through your music and the countless good deeds you’ve done to the world’s less fortunate. May you continue to sing beautiful music up there in heaven.

I also just read this article today written by Manila Hotel’s former PR officer Gwen Cariño. Here she writes about her close encounter with hotel guest Michael Jackson in December 1996. Linked from the blog of Ala Paredes. link here http://tiny.cc/XZXJT

long live the king.

i believe that the only way to measure just how much you’ve touched the lives of people around you is to count the number of people who go to your wake when you pass away.

after watching the Michael Jackson Memorial on CNN live streaming that was when i realized just how huge the King of Pop really is. i was never a huge fan since i was only in elementary when his career soared. by the time i became interested in music, in MTV, and in the whole concept of foreign and local celebrities, MJ’s fame and popularity had waned a bit. at the first stages of my Mariah Carey craze way back in high school, MJ’s most played songs were Earth Song and Scream. Then there came You Are Not Alone. I was aware of him being really popular and all but his music back then was not really  my type. Those days a lot of rumors had already started spreading about his being a child molester and his critics had started calling him Jack’o the Wacko. I was in Grade 6 i think, when MJ went to Manila for his first and only concert here in the Philippines.

Come June 25, 2009, MJ’s death was all over the news and the internet. it didn’t sink in to me right away. Except for our i-pod here at home playing mostly MJ songs, i didn’t care much about the news. It was only during the Memorial concert for MJ at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, that it really dawned on me. That possibly one of the world’s greatest entertainers of all time will no longer be making new music, that soon MJ’s name will fade from the headlines, and that the younger generation will never know of him the same way we did.

James and I watched the Memorial via CNN live streaming on the internet and i was moved to tears by several of the performances. There was Jennifer Hudson’s rendition of Will You Be There? that haunting song from the Free Willy soundtrack that made me cry at the end of the movie. There was Usher’s heartbreaking performance of Gone Too Soon and of course, Mariah Carey’s very emotional I’ll Be There. But out of all the speeches and performances done that night, i believe that only one image will remain etched in the hearts of the millions of people all over the world who either watched through the internet or in their TV sets.

MJ’s daughter only talked for about 22 seconds but that single moment encapsulated the entire memorial. Paris made MJ human for a moment. While he was this superstar to the rest of the world, to his kids, MJ was simply daddy. My heart literally shattered into pieces after hearing Paris cry at the end of her speech. I can’t imagine losing a father at a very young age. I lost mine when I was already in college but that didn’t make things easier. What Paris said made me realize that beneath all that talent, that extremely odd exterior, there is a father.

I don’t know why right now I’m suddenly so into MJ’s songs. It’s really such a sad cliche to say that we only start to appreciate things when they’re already gone. I can’t stop watching his videos on youtube, i can’t stop playing his songs on our i-pod, and i’m even planning on having a karaoke session dedicated to MJ. So now i’m trying to learn his songs to get ready for that. hehe.

Hay… what can i say? MJ’s death is such a big loss not only to the music industry but to the rest of the world. I didn’t even know until recently that MJ still holds the record in the Guiness Book of World Records for the celebrity that supports the most number of charities. Plus, MJ was actually on the verge of big comeback with several concerts scheduled in different parts of Europe. what a big waste

I pray for your eternal repose, MJ. Rest in Peace… Your music will live on forever.

all cheered up.

that’s true. today the clouds have cleared up a bit and i am in a way better mood than i was the past 2 days. i still have no answers and no definite decisions have been made but at least now i can say that my mind is clearer. minus all the heavy emotions and the drama, thinking things through is better. for today, i am determined to make a happy entry because today there are a total of 3 reasons to love being exactly where i am now.

1.) Baby Linux
my first godchild baby Linux dropped by the studio with his Mommy Lady this afternoon for a photo session. i was so super amazed by all the things he could already do! he’s turning 1 year old in a few days and he could already stand on his own if he leans on something, he plays with his toys, he interacts with people, and he can smile that certain smile that could melt anybody’s heart. Linux was a real trooper so we ended up with quite a number of nice shots. here are a few of my favorites

future attorney

2.) Food and my sister
Dich finished class early today so we got to treat ourselves to yummy ginabot in Mabolo, sinigang na baboy, and talong. who knew carenderia food could be so satisfying?! haha! most of my saturdays are always spent with MJ and although most of our conversations today were strained, her company is always comforting. we heard mass together after dinner which was also very good for the soul.

3.) friends and coffee
i am so lucky to have supportive friends who i know i can count on for anything. tonight Ilene, Karen, and John K talked about life’s issues over frappuccino (for me) and green tea (for the health conscious) and i realized that there are still so many things to consider before i take the next step. i am just grateful that my friends were there to listen without judging me. thank you mucho.

i am all cheered up and i hope to stay this way for the days to come. oh, and before i forget, here’s a picture of baby Choco with his new haircut. isn’t he adorable? hehe

hope ya’ll are having a cheerful weekend!

QLC.

no, this is not going to be one of those what-i-did-today entries. this is going to be about me being down in the dumps and finding myself once again at a crossroads in my life. could it be quarter life crisis? hell, yeah.

how could i have gone from happy and excited about finding my true calling just a few entries ago to wanting to leave everything behind and start over? i re-read my last few posts just today and realized the sheer absurdity of my current situation. am i so crazy to be thinking and feeling this way? is this just PMS or what?

i know it was just one tiny incident that led to these feelings. that incident that made me feel so small and unimportant made me want to doubt everything that i believed in. all the confidence i had in myself just vanished and there’s this voice in my head telling me that i could change that. that i have a choice and i can make my own decisions. if i really want to go away and leave everything behind, i could. and what if this is really not the life that i am meant to live? what if there are bigger things and more opportunities for me out there? who knows? i’ll never know if i don’t take that single step towards change, towards independence.

hay.. i don’t know. my mind is too full right now and my heart is heavy. a part of me wishes things are different and that i can leave things the way they are now. but there’s this other part of me that’s restless and raring to explore the possibilities. right now i can’t really think straight. i can’t figure out if this is just a negative reaction to the hurtful incident or if this is just PMS or if this is the REAL THING.

i’m confused and jaded but at the same time, i have actually taken a few baby steps towards that big change that i’m talking about. doing something about it makes it more real rather than just thinking about it. when decision time comes i hope things will fall into place.

today i ate a cup of Gelatissimo and a Double Cheeseburger with french fries (regular) and Coke (light) from McDonald’s. i skipped the gym too. don’t tell me that this is NOT a sign of me being depressed.

p.s. this brought me to tears today. i hope we never have to do this to any of our beloved babies.

p.p.s. i’m so looking forward to tomorrow’s Japanese noodle dinner date with some of the girls. Lord knows i need to hear this situation from other people’s perspective.

p.p.p.s i am also looking forward to joining a Dog Show with some of the babies this sunday. being in the company of many doggies never fails to cheer me up.